The Silent Struggle – Unmasking the Realities of Perinatal Loss
Hey Mamas,
Welcome to the Life, Loss, and Motherhood blog. If you're here, you probably know that perinatal loss is a topic that’s deeply personal to me. Everything I do is based on my daughter, Evelyn. If you've experienced this pain or love someone who has, I just want you to know that you are not alone.
Perinatal loss—whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, or neonatal death—is something we don’t talk about enough. Yes, it’s gaining more awareness, thanks to incredible nonprofits and families doing amazing work, but silence still lingers around this kind of loss.
And that silence? It doesn’t ease pain; it deepens it. Society often expects grieving parents to move on quickly, but how do we move on from losing a piece of our hearts? From losing a whole future we envisioned for months? If you're into mindset work, you know how powerful visualization is—we create these lives in our minds, and when they’re taken from us, it leaves a massive hole.
So today, let’s break the silence.
Grief isn’t a straight line. It’s a wild ride, a chaotic wave, a raging storm some days. And other days, it’s this quiet, heavy sadness that lingers in the background.
Some common emotions parents experience after loss:
💔 Shock & Numbness – It doesn’t feel real at first. I remember laying in the hospital bed, looking outside at how perfect the weather was, but inside, I was in a silent tornado of devastation.
💔 Guilt – Wondering what we did wrong, obsessing over every little thing we ate, every movement we made, questioning if we missed a sign.
💔 Anger – At our bodies, at doctors, at the universe, at God, at the people who don’t understand, at the ones who still have their babies.
💔 Deep Sadness & Longing – The pain of a future lost. The moments we’ll never have. The weight of an empty nursery, an empty crib, empty arms.
💔 Anxiety About Future Pregnancies – Will this happen again? What does this mean for my future children? Is my body broken? Is my family incomplete forever?
Grief doesn’t have a timeline, and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. If you’ve lost a baby, your grief is valid. Your baby mattered. You matter.
If you love someone who has gone through perinatal loss, you might not know what to say. You might be afraid of making it worse. But silence is more painful than imperfect words. Here’s how you can truly support a grieving parent:
✅ Say their baby’s name. Acknowledging their child’s existence is one of the most healing things you can do. ✅ Listen without trying to fix. There’s no solution, no magic words—just be there. ✅ Offer specific help. Instead of “Let me know if you need anything,” say “Can I bring dinner on Tuesday?” or “I’ll watch the kids this Saturday.” ✅ Respect their grief journey. Some parents want to talk about their loss often; others grieve more privately. Let them lead the way. ✅ Remember anniversaries. A simple text on their baby’s birthday or loss anniversary can mean the world.
Sometimes grief is too heavy to carry alone. That’s where bereavement doulas and specialized therapists come in.
💜 Bereavement doulas help families navigate hospital experiences, create memories with their baby, and process their loss with emotional support. 💜 Therapists can provide a safe space to unpack trauma, grief, and anxiety, helping loss parents cope with the weight of their emotions.
If you’re struggling, seeking help is not a sign of weakness. It’s one of the bravest things you can do.
One of the biggest fears for loss parents is that their baby will be forgotten. Here are some ways to keep their memory alive:
🌿 Light a candle on anniversaries or special days. 📖 Write letters to your baby in a journal. (I created a pregnancy loss journal on Amazon) 🌳 Plant a tree or garden in their honor. 💎 Wear jewelry or tattoos with their name, birthstone, or a symbol that reminds you of them. 🎗 Support pregnancy loss organizations in their name.
Perinatal loss is still such a silent struggle, but we don’t have to grieve alone.
If you’ve experienced this kind of loss, your grief is valid, your baby is remembered, and your heart deserves healing. And if you’re here because you want to support someone you love, I hope this post has given you insight on how to show up with compassion.
💜 If this resonated with you, please share this with someone who needs to hear it. Let’s work together to break the silence and make sure no one grieves in isolation.
Thank you for being here, for listening, for holding space for this conversation. I love you guys so much, and I’ll see you next time.
🎧 Listen to the full episode here
Connect with me on Instagram: @EvelynJamesandCo
Resources for Loss Families: www.evelynjamesandco.com/lossfamilies
Healing Through Grief Coloring Book
