London is the Reason: Kristin McQuaid’s Story of Loss, Love, and Creating a Legacy through Supporting Intended Parents and Surrogates.
(( I wasn’t able to update the author part— this is a summary of our conversation of Me, Vallen Webb and Kristin McQuaid, on the Life, Loss and Motherhood Podcast, you can listen here.))
In this heartfelt episode of the Life, Loss, and Motherhood podcast, Vallen Webb sits down with Kristin McQuaid, founder of the nonprofit London is the Reason. Kristin shares her journey through surrogacy, experiencing the devastating loss of her daughter, London, at 39 weeks, and how she transformed her grief into purpose by building a supportive community for intended parents and surrogate mothers facing similar experiences.
Kristin’s story sheds light on the unique challenges intended parents face in surrogacy—often overlooked in the grief community. Her insights reveal the emotional complexities involved in this journey, from the hope and excitement of surrogacy to the sorrow of infant loss. The conversation emphasizes the importance of finding the right support systems to help parents navigate their grief and rebuild their lives.
Kristin's Journey: Turning Grief into Purpose
Kristin never imagined that her journey to becoming a mother would lead her to create a support network for others in similar circumstances. After 14 years of struggling with infertility, she and her husband decided on surrogacy. Kristin was ready to become a mother, and everything seemed to fall into place—until the unimaginable happened. The loss of her daughter, London, was not just heartbreaking but also revealed a glaring gap in the support available for intended parents going through infant loss via surrogacy. This gap led Kristin to found London is the Reason, a nonprofit organization dedicated to helping intended parents and surrogate mothers cope with the complex emotions of loss.
The Importance of Specialized Grief Support
Grief in surrogacy is layered and unique. Intended parents often face feelings of helplessness, guilt, and anger—emotions that are different from those who carry the child themselves. Kristin describes the moment of learning that London no longer had a heartbeat and the surreal experience of holding her daughter, grappling with the reality of her loss. In the podcast, Kristin emphasizes that seeing and holding London was a crucial step in her healing journey—a moment that, while painful, brought a sense of closure and peace. This experience inspired her to support others in not only recognizing their grief but also in finding the right healing path for them.
Hospitals often fail to provide tailored support for intended parents, which can leave them feeling alone and unsupported. Kristin shares her goal of providing “healing boxes” to hospitals, filled with items to comfort and connect grieving intended parents and surrogate mothers. These healing boxes are tangible reminders that grieving parents are not alone—that others have walked this path before them and survived.
Building Community and Creating Healing Boxes
Through London is the Reason, Kristin has created a sense of community for those affected by infant loss through surrogacy. She offers support via phone calls, texts, and Zoom meetings, connecting intended parents and surrogates to others who have experienced similar losses. This peer support is vital because it allows grieving parents to talk to others who truly understand their unique pain.
The healing boxes are an essential part of Kristin's mission. These boxes contain personalized letters from Kristin, sharing her journey and reminding grieving families that they are not alone. They also contain thoughtful items designed to bring comfort during this incredibly painful time. Kristin's goal is to get these healing boxes into hospitals across the country so that no intended parent or surrogate has to leave the hospital without some form of support.
Moving Forward with Love and Community
Kristin’s journey didn’t stop with loss—it led her to new beginnings. After London’s death, Kristin and her husband adopted a baby girl, Bexley, and soon after welcomed their son, Ford, through surrogacy. Kristin describes how, despite the heartache, her experiences have made her a better mom—one who doesn’t take a single moment for granted.
The community that London is the Reason has built is about more than just surviving grief; it’s about finding a way to live fully again, even after a devastating loss. Kristin’s story is a testament to the power of turning unimaginable grief into a mission of helping others, creating a legacy of love in honor of her daughter.
Key Takeaways:
Grief Support for Intended Parents: The grief of intended parents and surrogates is often overlooked. Kristin's nonprofit aims to fill this gap by offering targeted support.
Healing Boxes: Healing boxes are provided to intended parents and surrogates to help them feel less alone in their grief. They are available through donation to support anyone facing infant loss.
Community Connection: Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses is vital for healing. Kristin emphasizes the importance of matching grieving parents with the right support network.
Turning Pain into Purpose: Kristin's journey from loss to helping others shows that even in our darkest moments, we can create something beautiful that helps others.
Get Involved
If you know someone who is facing the grief of infant loss through surrogacy, or if you want to support London is the Reason, you can find more information and donate at London is the Reason.
Kristin’s story reminds us that, while we can’t control what happens in life, we can control how we respond—and that response can create a community of healing and hope.
