Uncovering Hope: A Guide for Doulas Supporting Moms Through Grief
Grieving is a process that reshapes one's entire existence, a journey that lasts a lifetime. The pain, the heartache, the feeling that life will never be the same again — these are sentiments familiar to those who have experienced profound loss. As doulas, our role often extends beyond the birthing room, especially when a birth ends in the loss of a baby.
I aim to equip fellow doulas with insights and tools to support mothers navigating the challenging terrain of loss.
Grief is often described as the price we pay for love, a sentiment that becomes all too real when facing a loss as significant as the death of a baby. The journey through grief is unique for each individual, and it's not linear. I have faced the unimaginable pain of losing my daughter over five years ago.
Initially, I believed I would never find happiness or joy again, convinced that my old self was irretrievably lost. The idea of never laughing, being happy, or feeling joy again loomed heavily. Despite the initial despair, the journey through grief holds unexpected discoveries. As a doula and a mom who has experienced profound loss, I can attest that there is hope beyond the darkest days. Grieving can act as a catalyst for profound personal transformation. It's essential to reassure grieving mothers that, in time, they will find even bigger joy, love, and happiness. Acknowledging that this realization may take time is crucial, and doulas should provide consistent support throughout the process. A lot of time this will look like creating space for the mom to process and work through the feelings and emotions that come up and also knowing this will probably take way more time than the expectations we place on our grief.
I remember being asked how long I think it will take me to work through my grief and I naively said, “ One year!” LOL The expectations we often set are not realistic. We live in a world that moves on so quickly from EVERYTHING, so it is only normal for us to feel that way, trying to “get through” it. It will be SO normal for moms to be like, “I should be better by now! Why am I still grieving as if it just happened? What is wrong with me?” The fact is, stillbirth and miscarriage will become an over-arching theme that runs the length of our lives. These were our BABIES, our CHILDREN, our Kids. We lost an entire lifetime with them and it doesn’t just go away. With time we will all come to terms with that.
There are glimmers of hope waiting to be discovered. Encourage mothers to actively seek out these moments, whether it's the support of friends, laughter, or simply basking in the warmth of the sun. As a doula, help them recognize and appreciate these signs of hope, no matter how small, as they navigate their unique journey through grief.
Recognizing that pain is just proof of the love we hold is a powerful perspective shift.
Self-Care Tips for Difficult Times
In times of profound grief, self-care becomes a crucial aspect of healing. Here are four simple yet transformative self-care activities that can change a grieving mother's life:
Sunshine: Spend time outdoors, let the sunshine in, and allow nature's healing power to uplift your spirits.
Water: Whether it's a soothing bath, the sound of waves at the beach, and drinking enough… water has a calming effect that can help ease the weight of grief.
Sleep: Prioritize rest and sleep, allowing your body and mind the necessary time to rejuvenate.
Movement: Engage in gentle movement, be it a walk, yoga, or any activity that connects you with your body and promotes a sense of well-being.
Doulas can guide mothers in integrating these self-care practices into their routine, providing a foundation for healing.
