Importance of Deep, Soulful Rest During Winter Months after Pregnancy Loss.
I think we often forget that as we live the human experience, we are suppose to live in accordance with the seasons. It makes sense right? Spring we are blossoming into a new year of life after a long winter, possibly a new version of ourselves and our loved ones. That rolls into summer when we are just really living, working, and especially as moms navigating it all with our kiddos. Then we roll into fall when things are kind of ending but also starting at the same time but more intentional way with school, sports, business, it all comes to a point with beautiful colors that start shedding from our beautiful trees, which mother nature (i think) intended to remind us that all beautiful things come to an end, but it isn’t a stop end, a rest end. That rolls into winter which should be a time for us to truly slow down and rest and rejuvenate and go internal. We need this time to really reflect on the year; what it brought, what we liked and didn’t like. When it comes to losing a baby, a loved baby, and living through these seasons, I think it is so important to ebb and flow with the seasons that were intentionally created to support the human experience. Grief is a common thread that weaves between EVERY SINGLE HUMAN BEING. Seriously, can you think of one person who hasn’t experienced even just the everyday grief of little things? It is universal. Yet our culture seems to try and skip over these very important time frames because they are slow, they are not productive, they are not important. But I will argue that using this time as I believe we were intended to will bear the most incredible gifts. After our tremendous loss, we tend to go inside of ourselves, and when fall and winter come around what an incredible excuse to be super intentional in how we support ourselves through this time. Because what else is during this time of year? Holidays and typically a lot of milestones that sit beside all these happy times that we were supposed to have. Honestly the last thing many of us want to do is join in on festivities and be reminded of what we lost and will never experience with our very loved baby/ies. So how can we really support ourselves during this time?
We can find a quiet or slow hobby that we can do in times of emotional distress, something that can bring that negative to a NEUTRAL. Not even a positive, but if we can just level out and get ourselves out of the negative state, it will support us to feel much better. This can look like taking an online class or just watching youtube videos on how to paint, draw, crochet, cross-stitch, and actually here is a cross-stitch set that I bought and have had fun every year just sitting in silence and learning on my own. It gets me out of my head into my body when I just have this weird, nervous, energy that only walking or doing something with my hands can help me with. And here is the winter one, and christmas one! Also, I'm obsessed with Harry Potter and this one is adorable and great for beginners too. Enjoy, seriously, they have instructions on types of knots and you can use YouTube videos for the ones that are a bit hard to get. It can take time. Or for instance, I got into water coloring because I grew up with the most talented Grandma who could do it all. She was a painter, drawer, sewing extraordinaire, upholsterer, baker, chef, piano and accordion player, all the things and she was always getting me involved and teaching me these incredible things. Gosh, do I miss her during the holidays- another layer of grief for me, on top of Evelyn. Le Sigh. I know a lot of you are going through so much and I just want you to know that I am here for you.You NEED to get outside every day. I’m sorry if you live in a frigid part of the world and winter is extreme, just a few minutes, just opening a window if you can’t get outside, whatever you can do. But I am telling you getting outside, even if it is a bit darker or overcast is still going to do tremendous uplifting to your soul, your mood, and your body. Go for a 5-minute walk, just notice all the beauty in our world, the snowflakes, the clouds, the sky, and all the colors it transmutes into, the architecture, the trees, plants, and other people, and get into that gratitude. Somedays we are like, fuck this, I’m not grateful, I hate everyone and I hate the world. YAS. Get it out, express it, yell it, hit a pillow, hit a punching bag, you are SO VALIDATED HERE. We are not about depressing and pushing down our grief, but rather learning how to live with it and how to work through it when it comes up heavy and hard-hitting. If you are anything like me sometimes buying things like new shoes, on my 2nd pair in 4 years, (I walk 2 miles a day minimum), really helps to motivate me. Could also be the coffee or YU Trim energy lol. But I love feeling ready with all the things that make it a peaceful walk. I also love these headphones or night walking belt can get you outside, I can share a few of the things I bought this year, especially for cold weather and the darkness to stay safe. As a Mom of 4 and with a busy business and full-time working husband the only time I get to do my walking is at night after the youngest go to bed. I’m not a fan of the treadmill and as long as the temp is above 15 degrees, I will keep walking outside- to get the much-needed mood and gratitude boost.Get a journal and special pens or markers. I’m a journal and writing utensil whore. Yes, I said that. I get a new journal and new pens every season… at least. Lol, I love the feel of writing with brand-new pens and markers and creating pretty drawings or words that just beautifully transfer onto the page. Like Hermione, a parchment whore. Keep in mind sometimes it is hard for us to write because we don’t know WHAT to write, for that I highly recommend journals with prompts or instructions. SO helpful when you just don’t have the mental capacity to figure out what to write and can’t so you give up. Did I also say journaling or writing is SO helpful on your healing journey after loss? IT IS. I created one just for you with prompts for bereaved moms like you and me, here!Get a small, little routine in place for mornings or evenings. For me, I stop eating at 7 pm, brush my teeth, shower or just wash my face, depending on if it’s a dry shampoo day or not. I get my journal and pens, my water bottle, and a book that I am reading after I get my kids to bed. I also listen to affirmations that I record in my voice on my phone, which helps set the tone of gratitude and love, trying to get in the highest vibrations here! I bought this soft headband that is also a Bluetooth headphone that I can fall asleep to in bed and is also an eye mask to block out light in case you are a light sleeper like me and have to have it pitch black to sleep.Create a book list and start listening to them or reading them! Make a goal for a book a month, if you don’t have other children, do more, I’m a reader so I can spend days just reading a good book- although I haven’t been able to finish a book in one sitting since I became a mom. Read books that fill you up with excitement and adventure or hot, hot romance, but make sure to throw in a personal development book. As a mom and loss mom a huge part of my healing came from my personal growth, the learning, the implementing, the envisioning my best life, and learning how to live in that way. I’m telling you personal development or self-help books can be a turning point for you. Here are some of my favorite books. Actually, I will leave these at the end!! There are too many.Find a support group or a small circle of friends that you can turn to for support and be able to spend time with when you want to. This can feel hard if you are an introvert like me. I like having one or two friends and then I am good. As I get older, I know what I want in my life and what I don’t, and spending time with people who do not end up fitting the journey I am on or where I want to go.Here are some ways you can find friends or support groups.
If you have other children, finding moms with kids around the same age or same loss type can be started with a simple Facebook post.You can enter into FB groups for moms in your area, or surrounding areas.You can get a membership at the YMCA and start moving your body a bit but also meeting women around the same age group.You can look for grief or pregnancy/infant loss support groups. Look at local hospitals/churches/ community centers for information on these types of things. You can ask in your local mom groups, I would go off recommendations first and then google! They typically know the ins and outs of what is great and what is not. You may also find a friend by being vulnerable in this way. If you are uncomfortable, just use an anonymous post if you need to.7. SELF-CARE AND LOVE PRACTICES. I don’t think this can be stated enough. Things like therapy and special types of therapy for grief and trauma can be super helpful along with other things. When you do things for yourself, to support your mental and physical health,your a better person, a better mom, a better human. I want you to practice saying loving things to yourself. Things like, wow, I deserve this, I’ve been in such a hard place, I am worthy of these pampering things like getting a head massage, or a full body massage, or a chiropractor appointment to get an alignment, some reiki healing or chakra cleansing, things that will support you down to the soul level. Sometimes a nice trip to the tanning salon in the winter can feel SO good, or a sauna or hot tub with a good book or podcast!8. Listen to the Life, Loss and Motherhood Podcast where we talk about ALL of these things! We have guests on often and have non-edited, non-scripted conversations that will make you feel SEEN and support you in your journey!
You deserve deep rest this winter. DEEP DEEP REST. Life-changing rest. Don’t do all the things. Stop saying yes to things your body and mind is clearly telling you no, well more like yelling. Do things that support YOU. It is not selfish, it is necessary. Even if you have a family and kids, you need to be in the best state of mind to be the best mom. Set boundaries around your special time, your quiet time, your hobby time. Whatever it looks like. And if you need some accountability, email us at support@evelynjamesandco.com and let us know what you are choosing this winter for your soft, rest months. We are rooting for you! xxIF you want some extra things to look up on Amazon- let’s be real this is a favorite pasttime. These can give you some ideas on how to support yourself during this incredibly, beautiful but sometimes VERY hard time of the year.
Personal Development Books
Six Pillars of Self-Esteem